My head is so spun between therapy, the women I work with and the man I live with that I don't know what to think about this.
I smoke. I smoked when my husband met me back in 1999. Not much has changed since then, except that I smoke more than I used to. I have been on Wellbutrin before but was taken off of it in 2003 because it increased my anxiety. I am willing to go back on that medication and have a message out to my doctor about using it again to quit smoking as well as for its antidepressant properties.
My husband is willing to give up on our relationship because I smoke. He says I do it excessively and he can't afford to pay for the cigarettes, Diet Pepsi and lunches out that I utilize. That is understandable. However, I work too and don't enjoy being treated like a two-year-old being told what I can and cannot touch.
He told me that he has seen no growth in me in the last ten years. What? I've been through many classes like knitting and sewing, as well as physical fitness and mental health. I have grown.
He also told me that I need to exercise daily. I admit I don't and believe this is his polite way of saying I'm fat. I'm a direct person, so I would probably hear "you're fat" better than dictating to me that my morning routine should consist of exercise.
I'm an alcoholic and shouldn't drink. However, I have been down to the local bar and had 3 drinks at lunchtime. My boss either hasn't noticed or doesn't think it's a problem. However, I'm told that after an 11:30 lunch that at 6 PM I "smell like booze" and am "slurring my words". I think this is a guess rather than a fact. I am fully functional, making dinner, cleaning up and making sure the kids shower and do their homework at the same time.
Keep in mind that he drinks beer daily and smokes a lot of weed.
OK, so I have vices. I have stopped drinking. I am willing to switch antidepressants, even though the one that stops smoking might prove harmful to me, and have stopped going out to lunch entirely. My job offers very little in the way of personal interaction, so basically I am alone all the time because my husband works nights at his father's buildings to repair/paint/plumb what needs to be done. What would you do with this mess?